


Pale Eyes, Shared Pizza, and a Skilled Touch

by Diary



Category: As the World Turns
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bechdel Test Fail, Bisexual Chris Hughes (ATWT), Bisexual Male Character, Canon Gay Character, Heartbreak, Late Night Conversations, M/M, POV Bisexual Character, POV Chris Hughes (ATWT), POV Male Character, Reid Oliver Lives, Romance, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-22
Updated: 2016-02-22
Packaged: 2018-05-22 14:28:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6082866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Diary/pseuds/Diary
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Repost. "This is sex and you eating my food and occasionally crashing on my couch. Do you want more?” Complete.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pale Eyes, Shared Pizza, and a Skilled Touch

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own As the World Turns.

Stilling Chris’s hand when it tries to slip beneath Reid’s scrubs, Reid warns, “This doesn’t mean anything.”

Feeling his stomach twist bitterly, Chris nevertheless answers, “I figured.”

Luke and Reid broke up. It was mutual, and Chris knows this means Luke broke up with Reid but is trying to give Reid some dignity. Reid refuses to talk to anyone about it.

He’s free, though, and he didn’t protest when Chris kissed him. He just put his fingers on Chris’s temporal pulse and asked, “Want some company tonight, Doogie?”

Everything is telling Chris not to do this. In medical school, soon after they first met, he ended up punching Reid and calling him something even the townspeople who despise Reid would hate him for. He chases after women he shouldn’t, does things to hurt them, and usually, his parents end up cleaning up his messes.

Reid liked him once and might have even loved him, but right now, Reid is in a town severely lacking in out men, the man he does love has broken up with him, and Chris is convenient. He’s convenient for a one-night stand; he’s convenient for a night of forgetting. He’s just a warm body and mouth who can provide a night where Reid doesn’t have to feel the coldness of the empty side of the bed.

Some part expects it to be fast and furious, but no, Reid is slow, methodical, and repeatedly brings Chris over the edge. At one point, he wonders about Reid and Luke, but such is the way to madness, he knows. He doesn’t want to think of what Reid did with Luke. He imagines ‘I love you’ made appearances, and this will never happen with them.

There’s one memory of them long ago.

He’d been watching Reid falling asleep. Pale eyes had blinked sporadically and fuzzily in the dim light as Reid’s chest rose and fell in a steady rhythm, and he’d been lying propped on his elbow. He’d almost kissed Reid’s slowly blinking eyes and said three words.

Fear had stopped him, and when Reid finally fell asleep, he’d left, found a girl at a bar, and gone to her place. He’d never told Reid, but he’s always wondered if Reid knew anyways.

Reid was the same arrogant, tactless man in medical school he is now, but at some point, Chris managed to get him wrapped around his finger. Reid would do almost anything for him and would accept all the words Chris had no right to say. He never brought up the punch and the slur until they met again Oakdale.

Chris was stupid and didn’t deserve any of it.

When the last straw came, Reid told him, ‘Thanks for the lesson, Doogie. I always thought monogamy, affection, and all that other crap was for the weak-willed, emotionally unstable idiots of the world, and I was right. I just wish I’d had it confirmed it without temporarily becoming one of them.’

Sighing, Chris lets the thoughts fall away and concentrates on the feel of skin against skin.

When it’s over, the familiar fingers are against his temporal pulse as a ghost of a kiss touches his cheek. “Thank you, Christopher.”

“Stay,” he mutters. “Not expecting anything,” he adds. “That’d be the way to disaster. You don’t want to sleep in an empty bed, not ready to, and tonight, I’m sympathetic to that. You have a toothbrush at Memorial. Don’t expect breakfast.”

Reid settles down, and Chris wonders if he should be glad or cursing himself for making the offer.

…

In the morning, Chris makes breakfast.

Reid doesn’t comment when Chris waves for him to sit down.

“Listen,” Chris says, “if you ever feel up for a repeat and I’m not seeing anyone, come over.”

“You sure that’s a good idea, Doogie?”

“This isn’t med school, Oliver,” he answers.

He wonders if just being honest could possibly work.

He knows better. He screwed up too badly for Reid ever to trust him when it comes to Reid’s emotional wellbeing.

“We didn’t work as boyfriends. That’s not what I’m offering.”

If he thought he could without losing the chance of Reid ever touching him again, he would. He’d take the risk, force himself to give it his all, and try his best to make the right decisions.

“Thanks for the offer,” is Reid’s neutral response.

…

At work, they argue.

Reid questions whether the people who gave Chris a license to practise medicine were qualified themselves, and Chris gets H.R. to do another seminar on the importance of not emotionally distressing the families of terminally ill patients. His dad orders them to figure out the best way to help said patient together and threatens to suspend both of them if they don’t.

They insult one another, Reid makes two nurses cry, and they do. The patient will still die too soon, too young, but she’ll be comfortable, and her family will hopefully get the closure they need.

A week later, Reid shows up at his door. “We don’t talk shop,” he states.

“Good idea,” Chris agrees.

He slips his hands underneath Reid's scrubs.

…

It’s too simple and hard at the same time.

Reid falls asleep on his couch after a fourteen-hour surgery, and Chris takes off his shoes and beeper, sets the latter on the coffee table, covers him with a sheet, and puts a glass of water on a coaster on the lamp table before turning off the lights.

Later, at the hospital, Reid pulls him aside. “You let me sleep on your couch.”

“Okay. If you wanted to sleep on a bed, you should have gone home and gotten in yours. I’m not dragging you to mine, no matter what miraculous surgery you managed to perform.”

“I would have kicked you out.”

“No, you wouldn’t have."

He realises Reid might be reading something deeper into his actions.

“Even when you hated me, you wouldn’t have, because, we both know what happens to sleep-deprived doctors who get behind the wheel. We both have an idea what would have happened to if you’d been wandering around on foot last night, namely, you would have gotten arrested or killed, and that’d be on me.”

He wonders if he should take this as an opportunity and ask Reid to get dinner with him, a drink, anything. Promise he’ll try to be worthy if he could just have a chance. He’s always trying to get second chances for the mistakes he made when he was younger, but sometimes, people aren’t granted them.

He’s lucky.

Allie occasionally has lunch with him, and she’s slowly gotten to where she talks to him about things beyond medicine. Nothing really personal, yet, but he’s happy to hear about her new dog and the jerk at the supermarket who overcharges her on ham. His father seems genuinely proud of him lately. There are still people he hasn’t made things right with, but he’s hoping with time, he’ll be able to.

He’s lucky, but he’s not lucky enough to get this one.

After the breakup, Reid went out every night. One time, Chris followed him to some seedy gay bar and watched Reid pick up a guy. Eventually, it stopped, and thank God, Reid was either careful or extremely lucky.

It didn’t mean the mark he’d made on Reid was gone.

Reid and Luke hated one another, but Luke’s often a little ball of sunshine.

Chris has to wonder if their breakup was due to Reid having too many issues for Luke to deal with or Luke having too many issues and reminding Reid of the last time he got involved with an entitled, issue-riddled boy.

Part of being a better person means admitting what you are, he’s heard. So, he’s entitled, has issues with his parents, and he honestly doesn’t know if he’s bisexual or just happened to somehow fall in love with another man, but he is in love. He’s spent too long running from it.

Reid made a mark, too.

“Don’t freak out, Oliver,” he says. “I was just being a decent human being.”

Reid visibly relaxes. “Right.”

A literal punch to the gut would have been less painful.

“Any plans tonight?”

“Reviewing several cases,” he answers. “Shouldn’t take more than an hour or two. Want to come over?”

“I’ll be there.” Reid pats his shoulder before leaving.

He does, and they end up watching TV and arguing over the characters.

Eventually, he says, “I know this is probably a weird time to bring this up, but: medical school.”

He can feel Reid tense.

“I once went home with a girl while we were together.”

“I suspected,” is Reid’s toneless response. “I never asked.”

“Why not?”

“Don’t,” Reid orders, and Chris can feel how close he is to bolting.

“Look- I’d be an idiot to care what you think, but I’m sure Katie’s told you about all the ways I screwed up. Laugh, insult me, whatever, but I’m trying to make things right. I’m sorry. I needed to tell you that, at least.”

Chuckling mirthlessly, Reid looks over. “It’s over. I’ve moved on, and I’m not going to be responsible for you self-inflicted guilt. But for what it’s worth- I hope you succeed, Doogie. There were times I thought you had the potential to be great man. Your father is one, so the potential is ingrained in your DNA.”

“Thanks,” he says.

Reid kisses him, and Chris has to remember to breath. He could swear he can feel nerves running under his skin, the blood pushing against his pulse, and the air going through his pores.

…

It’s not a relationship, Reid often reminds him when their not-relationship progresses further.

“Which of us are you trying to drive the point home to,” Chris snaps. “I’ve- I’m not seeing anyone. Let’s face it, part of my problem in the past was that I was always trying to be in a relationship. This is sex and you eating my food and occasionally crashing on my couch. Do you want more?”

“I want to make sure you understand that I won’t take your crap anymore.”

“I don’t doubt it,” he promises. “When I disagree with you at the hospital, I’m going to make that known. When I disagree with you on character motivations and love triangles, I’ll defend my position to the death if I need to, okay?” This causes a chuckle, and he feels his heart beat faster at the sound. “But you don’t have to fulfil any boyfriend duties toward me.”

“Got it.”

There’s an awkward silence, and just as Chris is about to get up and go to do something, Reid says, “Luke broke up with me. Which everyone knows, I know. But I told him I loved him, I told him I wanted everything. I was willing to give up the neurology wing for him. I gave up my practise in Dallas for him. All that, and he says that it seems like some part of me is just waiting for the relationship to end. So, he was going to save us both the time, because he learned from Noah that relationships just can’t be fixed. There wasn’t a problem, but if there was, he didn’t even try.”

Sighing, he looks up at the ceiling. As much as he wants a second chance and as much as he wishes he hadn’t screwed up the first time, some part of him also wishes Luke had found Reid first.

“You can’t kick me out of my own bed,” he says. “If you don’t like what I have to say, leave.”

“Okay,” Reid agrees.

“You were hurt,” he states. “Neither of us wants to admit it, but I hurt you. I screwed you up even more than you already were. You’re willing to fight for Luke, no one’s denying that, but when you- After you tried to give the neurology wing up and you thought he and Noah were back together, you were ready to leave without talking to him. Outsider’s perspective, but whenever he does something for you, it looks like you’re trying to puzzle out why, and if you can, you attribute it to something other than the fact that he’s your boyfriend and in love with you.”

“The Judd case, he did that for Noah. My whole presence was due to Noah,” Reid says.

“Noah Mayer is in L.A.”

“Doesn’t matter,” Reid answers. “I know who I am, and I know who he and Noah are. Even if it’s not Noah, someday, he’s going to find the partner of his dreams. I’m not Prince Charming or the boy next door. He’s sort of like you, he can’t stand to be alone.”

“He has been.”

“It won’t last. Hopefully, this time, he’ll find the right one,” Reid answers, and the bitterness and pain in his voice makes Chris flinch.

“Did you ever tell him about me?”

“I keep my word, Christopher.”

“I know you never told him it was me, but did you ever tell me him about this jackass in med school that you got involved with?”

“No.”

“Maybe, he could understand,” Chris almost chokes out.

Reid is in his bed, and he wants so much more. He’s not a relationship counsellor, and he doesn’t want Luke and Reid back together. He doesn’t want to have to be confronted with the sight every day.

Tough, he tells himself. Reid will never be his, and he can be the good guy or the bad in this. There’s no neutral. If he doesn’t say anything, the reason he isn’t is because he hopes he might get a chance out of it.

Rolling over, Reid kisses him on the chest. “I accept your apology,” he murmurs.

Chris isn’t sure he heard correctly, but even if he didn’t, his body relaxes and a rush of relief courses through him.

“I never thought people could change, but after everything that’s happened, it seems I was wrong on all accounts.”

“I’m not there yet, and you still make nurses cry,” he points out.

“More than you realise." Reid's fingers find Chris’s temporal pulse. “Tell me you’re sorry.”

“I am." He feels his pulse against Reid’s fingers. “I’m sorry for a lot of things, including all the things I did to you.”

“Not all,” Reid says.

“No, not all,” he agrees. Taking a shallow breath, he continues, “I don’t regret getting involved with you, but I regret the way I treated you, even after we did. It wasn’t classroom disagreements. I made it personal, struck below the belt.”

“Pulse is consistent,” Reid says. He briefly strokes it before trailing his fingers down. “Just because you know the theory, it does mean you can control that without medication.”

“Thanks.”

They fall asleep with Reid half on his chest.

…

His mother talks about setting him up, and he tells his parents he hasn’t fully gotten his life together yet and wants to focus on doing so first and foremost.

Later, his dad surprises him by hugging him, and a knot forms in his throat when he feels a gentle kiss on his forehead. “I’m proud of you, Christopher. I know you never agreed, but I’ve always felt a person should know and love themselves before getting intimately involved with someone else.”

“I’m starting to understand,” he replies. “I’m just not quite there yet.”

“You will,” and for once, his dad seems to actually believe it. “And I want you to know that everyone needs help sometimes. I understand you feel the need to do this on your own, but if your mother and I can help, I want you to come to us.”

“I promise."

“Good. Now,” his dad says, “you and Reid seem to be getting along better outside of medicine.”

“We’re getting there. He and I had personal issues at school, but- Time changes,” he says. “Since he and Luke broke up, he’s been coming over some, mainly because I let him watch HBO and have beer in the fridge. We argue about fictional characters.”

Laughing, his dad says, “I’m glad. I know he can be a handful, but he has a chance at fully becoming part of the community. He and Luke have been through a lot, but some part of me hopes.”

“That they’ll get back together?”

“Yes,” his father answers with a look he can’t quite decipher. “I admit I’m still the product of my time in some instances, but seeing people in love has always renewed my faith in the good inherent in people. Colour, religion, and even gender doesn’t matter if two people can complement one another and build a life together as a family. That’s why it’s so important a person be secure in themselves, so that they can be secure in another person loving them. Neither Reid and Luke were there, but as I said, I hope.”

“Well, our semi-truce doesn’t extend to me playing matchmaker, but I promise I won’t discourage either of them if it looks like they’re starting to reconnect.”

This earns him another hug.

…

He sees Reid and Luke laughing together and feels a million different urges.

Taking a breath, he reminds himself he’s not going to screw up and make excuses anymore. If his not-relationship with Reid is over, he’s going to keep trying to make things right, and he’s going to go through the long, slow, painful process of finally getting over Reid before he gets involved with someone else. He and Allie have gone out for friendly drinks, and she’s started to treat him as an actual friend. Emily still hates him, but he thinks he’s finally begun to convince her he’s not to going to cause her or Allie anymore harm.

After Luke leaves, he pulls Reid aside. “Plans cancelled?”

“Is that a question or a statement?”

“I saw you and Luke together. Does that mean I need to delete some of the shows from my DVR?”

“No,” Reid answers. “If you’re still free, so am I, Doogie.”

“See you later, then, Oliver.”

“Looking forward to it.”

He isn’t sure if the statement, uttered with no sarcasm, hurts or not.

…

The signs are there.

Luke starts appearing more and more. There’s more laughter and a smiling Reid Oliver running around. The number of crying nurses decreases.

Surprisingly, what hurts the most isn’t the way Reid looks at Luke. Of course, Chris knew Reid loved Luke.

He’d forgotten, though, how obvious it is Luke loves Reid.

Because, if Luke didn’t love Reid, Chris just might have a chance.

One night, Reid says, “Medical school. The girl. I never asked because I lost who I was. I thought you were the most important person in my life. If I asked and you told the truth, I didn’t see a way I could justify staying. That should have been my clue right there. Don’t stay you’re sorry. I’m not after that. You asked, and I’m telling you.”

“Does Luke want you to change?”

“He wants me to be a better version of myself, and I want that, too.”

“But?”

Reid kisses him, and Chris knows the but is _He doesn’t want me._

He tries not to feel guilty for not answering the unspoken, untrue belief.

…

Reid saves a little kid’s life, Luke hugs him, and Chris and everyone else sees the tension and how they come so, so close to kissing. A betting pool is started, and he’s tempted to join due to knowing he has a good chance of winning a significant amount of money. 

Then, he finds himself propped up on his elbow and watching Reid fall asleep with pale eyes blinking sporadically and fuzzily in the dim light while Reid’s chest rises and falls in a steady rhythm. He has the almost overwhelming urge to kiss Reid’s slowly blinking eyes and utter three words. To do so and ask him to please, please, give him a chance, and to explain he wasn’t ready back then, but he’s a better man and he understands how wrong he was and has no intention of doing it again.

Instead, he waits until Reid is asleep, goes to the bathroom, comes back, and slips under the covers.

..

The next day, Reid asks, “Doctor Hughes, a moment of your time?”

Going into the empty lounge, they close the door.

“Luke and I are going to give things another try,” Reid tells him. “I told him I’ve been casually seeing someone, and he was fine with it, wants to take it slow, but- I want everything.”

“Okay." A slight sigh escapes him. “Don’t screw things up, Oliver.” Walking over, he holds up his hands. “One last time, okay?”

Reid nods, and Chris kisses him. When they break apart, Reid’s fingers come up to his temporal pulse and rests there for a moment. “Goodbye, Christopher.”

Nodding, he leaves before the tears can form, and claiming a bad case of allergies, he signs out for the day.

…

“Oliver, we need to talk about you prescribing my patient…”

They argue, they’re threatened with suspension, and finally, they work out a compromise neither is happy with.

When Luke appears to pick Reid up, Chris crossly informs him, “Don’t know how you handle your jackass of a boyfriend.”

“I’m lucky to have him,” Luke declares. Kissing Reid on the cheek, he looks at him with hearts and stars in his eyes.

“Right answer,” he says. Patting Luke on the shoulder and ignoring both their looks of puzzlement, he adds, “See you tomorrow, Reid.”

He has dinner with his parents, goes home, and falls asleep on a cold bed. When he wakes up from dreams of pale eyes, shared pizza, and a skilled touch, he takes a steadying breath and mutters, “Day One, Chris Hughes.”


End file.
